My 3 Monsters: The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

Recent Posts

5.11.2012

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

******** Breaking News ********

This just in {and just in time for Mother's Day}:  I'm a terrible mom and just a bad human being.
Awesome.

Do you ever have "one of those days"?  Like when your husband has been looking for work for nearly 6 months, but you think things are fine.  You're going through life day-in and day-out counting your blessings, which are many, and thinking that you're coping with stress remarkably well {if you do say so yourself}.  

And then you try to escape to your bedroom one afternoon to watch a cheesy Lifetime movie, but mostly for a few moments of blessed alone-ness. But then, one by one, each member of your family follows you in there, including the dog, so that you are now 1) no longer ALONE, and 2)crowded into a much smaller space with all the people who you were momentarily avoiding even though you love them dearly. 

And then one of them starts snoring, and one of them wants to know why she's not receiving texts on her cell phone, and one is complaining that he has been prematurely and unceremoniously removed from the computer by another one who swears that "FIF-TEEN MINUTES" have actually expired. And then the last one decides to chew on your favorite sweater.

And in that one moment, the weight of the stress of the entire past six months comes crashing down on you as if it had been balancing precariously above your head the whole time just waiting for this moment.  So you jump up and say some things you're not very proud of and storm out the front door and take off in the car without any explanation whatsoever, leaving your hurt and confused loved-ones wondering when {or if} you will be coming back.  And also what's for dinner because you didn't bother to cook them anything on your way out the door.

And then, as you're driving around aimlessly and crying, you wish you hadn't done what you just did, not because you're really noble and good, but because you know you're going to have to go home and pick up the pieces of the mess you just made and you're exhausted.  Your tantrum hasn't made you feel any better at all and you wish you could just take the last 30 minutes back. 

Nope?  Just me?  Good.  I wouldn't wish one of those days on anyone.  Ever.  Thank goodness for husbands who have many of the pieces already picked up when you get back home.  And for kids who are quick to forgive and remind you why motherhood isn't completely thankless work.  Thank goodness for good mothers everywhere {especially my mom and my mother-in-law} who are strong enough to bear the weight of significant burdens, who set a good example for the rest of us me.  Thank goodness that today is a new day and yesterday is in the past.  Mostly. 

I just need to give myself a break.  It's OK to struggle a little, right?  I read so many blogs written by beautiful women, with perfectly beautiful homes, who never seem to struggle with anything ever.  Or the ones written by beautiful women who are dealing with major illnesses or deaths of loved ones or unimaginable trials with grace and poise.  And who have beautiful homes and create beautiful crafts and things with their happy kids in spite of their troubles.  I don't fault them for that.  More power to them. 

I am not one of them.  My house is in almost-constant need of cleaning.  My kids don't always get along.  Or make good choices.  I've had both my boys go to in-school suspension in the past month.  That wasn't in my perfect-mother plan.  I would sometimes rather watch a lame Lifetime movie in a dark room by myself than cook a beautiful meal or spend quality time with my husband.  That's me right now.  I need to stop beating myself up for not being someone else when I'm honestly doing the best I can.  It's hard to thrive or excel in your own skin when you're drowning in comparisons, y'all.  It's OK to be in survival mode right?  There's nothing wrong with me that I can't do more, right?  Please say yes. 

Have a great weekend, friends.

15 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog from quite some time and this post really struck a chord with me. It's OK not to be OK! And it's OK not to be perfect. Thank you for having the strength to share with your readers that you are NOT perfect--- at least it gives us all a fighting chance. I for one can breathe easier just knowing that I AM NORMAL :) I'll be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! Keep pressing forward, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a nice comment. Too often I read something online and it resonates with me for some reason or inspires sympathetic feelings within me or whatever, but in my haste to "get on with life" I close the tab without leaving a comment to let the writer know they reached me. It's easy to read a bunch of words on a blog and forget that a real person lives behind that screen. I appreciate your feedback and encouragement so much!

      Delete
  2. Yes. Yes. And YES!!!! And by the way--try 5 whole seasons of Burn Notice in just 2 weeks next time---now that is what I'm talking about for escape! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You know of course, that the comment is from me and not Ash. Her mission blog was created by me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh man. I need to find something I actually enjoy watching for an escape -- Lifetime TV movies are just no good. It may have been the movie and not the family's demands that pushed me over the edge. I'm going to check out Burn Notice on Hulu Plus. Thanks Dee Ann. I have always been able to count on you for a pick-me-up.

      Delete
  4. absolutely!! sending prayers ur way and don't be so hard on urself. i think sometimes we work so hard at keeping others spirits up, and holding things togather, etc etc etc that we forget that it's ok for us to have a moment

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes if we don't allow ourselves have a moment in a good, planned way, we explode on our families and have an ugly, disastrous moment anyway. Thanks for the reminder and the kind words. I really appreciate it!

      Delete
  5. ... have hope... keep having hope. The sun is going to shine again and the sky is going to be blue again and life is going to be beautiful again. Painful times will pass, and when they are gone, brighter days are ahead.

    Stay with it. You've got this, and you are not alone.~Brave Girls Club

    **I got teary eyed when I read your post, because I have been there. I thought this daily message from Brave Girls Club was perfect for what you are going through! Hugs girl, it will get better!**

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for that awesome reminder. The struggle can't possibly last forever, right?! What would I do without all you awesome blog friends to back up what my awesome real-life friends are telling me. I appreciate you taking the time to lift me up.

      Delete
  6. I had one of those straw episodes this week too. I can't even remember what set me off, but I'm pretty sure everyone on my block knows the middle name of every single one of my children . . . and what chores they didn't do . . . and how if I could just have TWO seconds to think, I could answer you already . . . and, well. You know. Sigh. Thought it was ironic that my inadequacies showed up so blatantly just a few days before we are supposed to celebrate mothers. Double sigh. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure I asked,"Why can't YOU PEOPLE just LEAVE ME ALONE?!" In a pretty unfriendly voice. Who calls their husband and children YOU PEOPLE?! Sorry you had a rough week, too. I wouldn't wish that upon ANYONE.

      Delete
  7. It's ok. Don't feel bad. Everything happens for a reason. You will be fine. When I start feeling like this, I redirect my brain to think of the things I'm greatfull for, small or big.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That is good advice. There is much to be grateful for, even on the darkest days. Thanks for the reminder!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Crying....this is me to a Tee!!! Im in your very same boat!!! It is ok not to be ok!! Hang in there....maybe we could grab lunch sometime and vent!!! You really are normal...my house is a disaster 99% of the time...i hate cooking...and there is constant chaos in my house too. blah!! Hang in

    ReplyDelete
  10. you honesty is inspiring and encouraging for those of us that are honest with ourselves... Life just isn't perfect or pretty sometimes... I've been a single mom for 15 years and I have many regrets, most involving moments just like this one. Lucky for me I was blessed with 3 kids that accepted me as I was and the apologies that I often had to give.. Now my oldest is serving in the Army and I got the best card for Mom's Day, telling me how thankful he was for my always standing by him and I was a wonderful mom.... makes me happy :)

    I won't tell you they don't remember those moments cause they do... but they also remember that you were big enough to say I'm sorry and they learn from your mistakes as well as you do.... Prayers to you and your famiy during this stressful time... M

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for leaving a comment. I try to respond to every one, even if it takes me a little while!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...