My 3 Monsters: The End of an Era --OR-- To All the Drinks I've Loved Before,

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The End of an Era --OR-- To All the Drinks I've Loved Before,

Coke, my love, this isn't easy for me. Dr. Pepper, you better listen, too. And you Mountain Dew and Pepsi (even though you're just my booty-call when Coke isn't available.)

Trust me, it's not you. It's me. OK, maybe it's you a little. You're no good for me. We can't continue this self-destructive little dance. You were always there when I need you, sure. Hot summer day? There. Afternoon drags? There. The Breakfast of Champions? It's you. All you. In my moments of deepest need you were my bubbly, glistening beacon of hope. You got me through my twenties and early thirties -- the all-nighters studying for finals, the days with sleepless infants, the half-marathon. You once seemed to be all I would ever need.

But I'm on to you. You are the reason I am fat. Don't deny it. Oh, you talk a good game, playing with my taste buds like you do, but underneath it all you're evil. You're loaded with empty calories and regret. Trolling around with drinks like you is fine for younger women, but I've grown. It's time that I found "The One". Something that will support me in my goals. That will make me feel better about myself. Something I can stick with for the long haul. That's right. Water.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Water is so boring. So . . . . . . boring. I know. I've flirted with water before and always come back to you, but this time is different. This is for good. Listen, it's not like I'll forget the good times. You'll have a little place in my heart forever. When I see you in the grocery store my pulse will always quicken. When I see another girl enjoying you're company I'll salivate just a little. You'll always be my favorite, but I've made my choice. Have a nice life. And don't be hatin' when I get all thin and sassy with water. That's just the way things go.


  1. You can do it, Amy! Your health and happiness is much more important than those liquid "drugs in a can". Don't give in - even during your withdrawl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I should follow your lead.

  3. Awwww... breaking up is hard. Hope you get through it OK.


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