My 3 Monsters: Mean Girls

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9.24.2008

Mean Girls

What is it about being 10 (or 8 or sometimes even 6) that turns some little girls into pure evil? Is it society? Do they learn it from their mothers? Or is it just the natural testing of boundaries and struggle for independence that causes this fierce competition in girls? And, AND, why can't they take out these aggressive feelings the way boys do? A little healthy sporting. Heck, even a shoving match as long as there were no bitter feelings when it was over.

My experience with girls this age (and now my vicarious experience through my daughter) is that they are pretty much divided into two groups: the jealous, conniving, back-stabbers and the naive innocents just trying to keep their head above water as they swim amongst the sharks every day. OK, maybe the lines are not so clearly drawn in the sand, but my heart breaks for my daughter when she gets mean little e-mails from her girl friends who want to "break up" with her. Why? No real reason. Jealous that she got a little attention for winning her election? Maybe. Heard from a friend who heard from a friend that Sydney wants to be BFF with someone else? Quite possible. Can't stand that she is friends with the boy this little girl likes? Also probable.

Sis and I spent the afternoon going through every possible scenario . . . Did you gossip about her? No. But if you did you need to apologize? I didn't. OK. I'm just saying IF. That's not it mom!!! OK. Have you been hanging out with other friends? Yes. Because M. won't talk to me. But why won't she talk to you? I DON"T KNOW!!!! Did you kiss her boyfriend? MOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!! 'Cause girls don't like that you know. . . MOM! Stop! That is not why she is mad. Then why is she mad? I! DON"T! KNOW! Did T. tell her a lie about you to mess things up. Maybe. I wouldn't put it past her. Ugh! . . . . On and on and on for what seemed like forever.

Conclusion: One of three things is happening. 1. Sydney made a mistake, said something she shouldn't have and needs to apologize. Happens to the best of us. 2. M. (the mean friend) is being a brat to get attention and Sis just needs to hang out with her other friends until she gets over herself. That happened often when they were in bowling league together last summer. Or 3. T. (the super mean friend) has been stirring the pot and Sis just needs to hang out with her other friends and not look back. Ever. That's the scariest option because things always get worse before they get better with these kind of girls. Assuming they ever get better. Yikes.

That post about Girl's Weekend is still coming. My brain has been commandeered by this little tiff. I'm going to the library web site right now to find that book Queen Bees and Wannabes so I can maybe give my baby some more helpful advice. Right now "Keep hanging out with the boys" is the best I've got for her. Cathy, Cynthia, Maren: My kids have fallen in love with you. They speak of you fondly. And often.

5 comments:

  1. Sounds like she needs to take the scary option and make some new friends. REAL friends don't treat each other that way. And you've got to know that even if this smooths over, it will happen again, and again, and again. It's hard not to get into the middle of it all and try and fix it, huh? Kids can be downright cruel sometimes.

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  2. The thing that kills me is that she HAS other friends, but for some reason she keeps these girls around, too. It boggles the mind! If I were her I would have "broken up" with them long ago. But, then, I'm not ten.

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  3. These are NOT the girls she will remember forever - these are NOT the girls she will meet and have "girl weekends" with. These girls are not her "Cathy, Cynthia, Maren"!
    So forget them...move on sister!

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  4. Good luck navigating the stormy waters of tween-hood! I'm soooo not looking forward to that stage. First grade is about all I can handle at this point! And tell your kids I fell in love with them too. I would play Life with them any day.

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  5. This seriously all started for Em second day of Kindergarten at the bus stop. It stinks. That book is super good. When you guys find the answer pass it on, we could use it up here in MN.

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